Lack of Motivation to Start?

2021.09.26 02:56 tryingmybest603 Lack of Motivation to Start?

I’m a spouse of an addict and I was to do my best to support him through this...but I’m worried he’s just not ready to do the work. I discovered his addiction to cam girls accidentally, and he denied it for a while and even twisted it to make me feel like I was crazy for asking. He finally acknowledged there was a problem when I bluffed and said I knew about “the girls online”. When I read other people’s posts on this sub about recovery I’ve noticed that mention “coming clean”. I picture this meaning they go to a point where they decided they needed to tell their partner, out of respect for them and for the relationship, and admitted that they needed help and support. I feel like “admitting you have a problem” is a crucial first step, as they say in the 12 step program. However, while I do feel like my husband admitted to the problem... it was to pacify me and end the accusations...it wasn’t coming from a place of remorse and regret. Definitely not respect...due to all the lies and twisting of information. The other thing I notice in this sub as being a commonality in recovery is the feeling of disgust and hate for the habit. So many people post with intense feelings about their frustrations with the habit being so hard to quit. They are passionate that they want this out of their life and they don’t want to lose any more from it.
My husband doesn’t seem to care to that extent. I’ve been noticing how truly apathetic he is about his “recovery” or lack there of, and, while I try to be gentle and understanding and supportive, nothing seems to matter or get a reaction. I provide resources, I send him links to counselors from our insurance page, I send him podcasts and articles, (none of which are accusatory but very sympathetic to the addict and their struggles.) But, nothing changes. He doesn’t seem to see it as something that requires HIS effort. I think he just wants to wake up one day and it be cured.
I told him this summer that if he doesn’t start some sort of counseling or program or something to get the ball rolling, by the end of September, I’m done being “the support”. It can’t be all one-sided. He has to do something. He heard me. But hasn’t done anything. Here we are, end of September, and I mentioned it this morning and asked if he had connected with a program yet. Nope. “I can look into it later today”, he said. like he was doing ME a favor by looking into it.
I just don’t get it.
I have to say, it feels like he’s ready to throw away his wife and marriage, so he doesn’t have to do the work. So he can continue with the cam girls. Can anyone relate? Is this addict behavior?
I feel like the cam girls have won this one. And I am the loser.
Of course this hurts so much. I feel like I’m not worth fighting for.
Do you guys have any input about finding motivation to start recovery? Has anyone felt stuck at the beginning like this?
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2021.09.26 02:56 Ebar16 I've bred a couple Rockruff pups with Own Tempo if someone has a spare Squirtle to trade.

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2021.09.26 02:56 greywolf_18 Common ground

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2021.09.26 02:56 Old-Harold-Delaney What's something that used to be popular that's never coming back?

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2021.09.26 02:56 yesstoday [L][27] Lost and Lonely

Don’t really have anyone to talk to, I’ve isolated myself from the world, no close friends or family which understands me, i feel like my life was wasted and im embarrassed of it, i struggle to find joy and meaning in activities that i once enjoyed.
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2021.09.26 02:56 PS4-King Diablo 2 - PS4 : Friend Finder, Multiplayer, CoOp

Looking for other adults to play Online Multiplayer with. I played a great deal when it was on PC years ago. Send a message to McCarthy-PHX on the PSN.
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2021.09.26 02:56 reillywalker195 Assuming you have one, what is your favourite font or typeface?

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2021.09.26 02:56 Strawberries53 How does a guy get into parties?

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2021.09.26 02:56 InsufficientSleep Can I pressure wash my solar panels from the ground?

Not directly, i know im not supposed to because the pressure may damage the panels. My roof is pretty high up but I think i can reach it with a pressure washer. I plan to shoot the water up high and let gravity pull it down, sort of like rain so its not so hard on the panels. Will that work?
TIA
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2021.09.26 02:56 lha1107 Pro athletes and sports leagues wrestle with vaccine mandates

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2021.09.26 02:56 MB610 YA fiction book I can't remember !!

Hi everyone. I read this YA fiction book in elementary/ middle school and it's killing me that I haven't been able to remember the book. The only details I faintly remember is that it's about a young girl who befriends this girl who is seemingly rich and her parents seem super cool. The girls even go on a shopping trip where the friend buys (or wears I can't remember) these like sky blue pants or pants with clouds on them. They even go on this expensive picnic together and all I remember is rose ice cream or ice cream with petals in it. The plot twist is that the friend and her family actually end up being scammers and they are actually broke. That's all I can remember please help !! Thank youuuu :,)
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2021.09.26 02:56 Crude69 [XBOX] [H] Credits [W] BS and Cobalt Tactician CERT Octanes Just need these 2 to complete my set please HELP!!!!! THANKS -Also looking for orange pink saff Goal Keeper Emeralds-

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2021.09.26 02:56 amuseme4life Homie needs a reusable bottle :)

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2021.09.26 02:56 Broad_Appearance6896 it appears as if I've made an oversight

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2021.09.26 02:56 Ok-Shallot1173 16m looking for friends

I’m camping rn and kinda bored, anyone wanna talk?
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2021.09.26 02:56 princess_suds Am I just dumb lol

On LSAC why can’t I find Berkeley to add to my list of schools?
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2021.09.26 02:56 Toadat Join a War SMP

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2021.09.26 02:56 NormalLawyer4256 Psn team looking to add 2 more good players (18+)

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2021.09.26 02:56 Background-Yak-4816 Mejores gasolineras

Cuáles compañías gasolineras consideran que son las mejores en MTY?
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2021.09.26 02:56 prawnbiryani 💗☁🍦🌸🧁🤍🦩

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2021.09.26 02:56 stonesthrowaway24601 In celebration of Metroid Dread: My Metroid Hat

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2021.09.26 02:56 gwpmike Help design the future of subliminals!

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2021.09.26 02:56 GotSomeProblems2021 Recently separated, should reconciliation always be the goal?

I'm posting this here to hopefully get the thoughts of people who are married still and not people who are actively divorcing. I'm on the spectrum so I realize I may be interpreting things wrong and really need perspective. Please be frank, and thank you in advance.
I'm the wife and I'm the one that left. We are both in our 40s and have several children. My husband had been behaving really erratically for months and refusing to stop or get help. He has always shown signs of depression and anxiety, but this was extreme to a point where I didn't feel like the kids and I were safe living with him acting like that. In the end he was staying up all day and night, wearing the same clothes for a week, throwing things, yelling, saying he didn't remember things he just said, having severe mood swings, and finally, making threats with a loaded gun. I took the kids and left after the gun incident. I hoped it would be a wake up call when I told him I wasnt coming back until he got some help.
I thought he would snap to and get some help, and that I'd be back home in a few weeks with my normal husband, but unfortunately, its been months and he still hasn't gotten help and has said he doesn't intend to. He says it's my fault he was acting like that (again, I'm on the spectrum, so it's possible that I really am hard to live with). I've kept things really quiet about his behavior to protect his reputation, and only told immediate family and our pastor. He has gone around telling everyone we know that I'm awful and just him left for no reason. He cries in front of our kids and tells them mommy ruined our family. He has apologized a lot, and says I'm welcome to come home and he doesn't think he will be like that anymore, but still insists that it was because I'm so frustrating to live with. Our pastor says I should go home and that leaving was the wrong thing to do.
None of my church is speaking to me. My entire family of inlaws has shut me out. Our older kids are fighting and not speaking to each other over this. Some are with him now and some are with me.
I'm feeling really confused right now. I still love him. I hate having our family split up. I hate seeing the kids be sad. I don't want to go through a divorce. I also don't think I could take my kids back to what was happening.
Can I just get your thoughts please. What would you do if this happened in your marriage?
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2021.09.26 02:56 Rakkaishuu Her: babe do I look fat to you? 🥺 Also her:

Her: babe do I look fat to you? 🥺 Also her: submitted by Rakkaishuu to Dankdoodlememes [link] [comments]


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